Written by
Bob Jones
Among the delightful items of local cuisine that I've sampled in Ena City are bee larva and fried locust. These I sampled in very small portions at a time when I was less than 100% sober and under duress from Japanese friends who had dared me to partake.
One thing I've never been persuaded to sample is something called 'mozuku', a seaweed dish which I can't even look at, let alone put into my mouth. However, the prize for the most disgusting thing I've ever attempted to eat in my life must go to a Swedish dish called
surstromming, translated into English as 'fermented herring.'
Now,
surstromming is something that I often heard mentioned by friends, "Hey, Bob, have you eaten
surstromming yet, hah hah hah?" I knew that it was fermented fish and that eating it would be a challenge but, having eaten all sorts of weird seafood when I lived in Spain, I was determined to give it a go.
One day, just around lunchtime, I was shopping in my local supermarket when I came across a tin of the stuff. "Well, now seems as good a time as any," I thought, and popped it into my shopping basket. When I got back home, I put it in the middle of the kitchen table and took a tin opener out of the drawer.
Now, what no one had told me was that fermenting builds up quite a lot of pressure inside the can and that you should always cover a
surstromming can with a cloth before you open it. The other thing I didn't know is that
surstromming is usually eaten outdoors.
I leaned over the tin and just at the moment I pierced it, there was a hissing sound and then a fountain of juice shot into the air and spattered the left lens of my glasses - thank goodness I was wearing glasses; I hate to think what it could have done to my eye. Then, the air in the room was filled with a stench that was reminiscent of a public toilet that hadn't been cleaned for 20 years. I picked up a piece of the fish on my fork, held my breath, screwed up my eyes and placed it into my mouth.
Can you imagine how a solidified lump of surgical spirit would taste? Well, that's the feeling I had as it burned into my tongue. I rushed over to the kitchen sink, spat it out, coughed a lot, and drank several glasses of water. Then I went back to the table, tied up the can in 3 plastic bags and dumped it in the garbage. Some of the juice had spilled onto the plastic tablecloth, so I wiped it up with a dishcloth, opened the window to get rid of the stench and then left the room.
When I went back into the kitchen 10 minutes later, I beheld the most nauseating thing I've ever seen in my whole life. The room was full of flies - about forty of them and they were just going absolutely crazy, charging all around the room at supersonic speed, bouncing off one wall, then bouncing off the opposite one. I put my handkerchief over my mouth (the fact that I didn't throw up was close to miraculous), ran over to the window and closed it. I then ran for some fly spray and just sprayed continuously for over a minute. Then I left the room and waited for about 10 minutes. Finally, I looked back in - all the flies were lying on the floor. I got the vacuum cleaner out of the room and swiftly disposed of the remains.
Sweden has some nice dishes. I loved
pytt i panna,
Janssons frestelse, and pickled (as opposed to 'fermented' herring) washed down with Swedish schnapps is a wonderful treat. But as for
surstromming... well, enough said.
P.S. If you want to know more about
surstromming, I've found an article on the web. Click on to the link to read
YOU'RE HERRING A LAUGH! Surstromming - the world's nastiest food...? and apologies for the accompanying photograph. By the way, on the same page there is an article about durian, the world's smelliest fruit. But, man, let me tell you something: I would never want to go near
surstromming again but, when I was in Malaysia, I just loved durian. Truly a prince among fruit.
